Wouldn't you know that as soon as I post about reaching my limits - in some weird joking way I'm sure I get thrown another wrench to add to the chaos? Work was going good - Grandma seemed to be improving. Thursday, December 10, I closed up the office and was feeling ok. Considered going to Walmart to buy myself some flat, red ballerina shoes for Christmas and all but then opted not to as the Aflac Webinar was going and I'd received numerous emails from Fred and all that I better attend.
I got home from work, closed up the curtains, turned on all my Christmas lights and decided that I would head to my parents' that coming weekend to pick out a tree from their property as noone is selling trees in town. I would help mom with making the Cinnamon nuts and all too. Well, the webinar was being a bitch - cutting in and out and buffering nonstop so I decided for the first time since my new BlackBerry purchase to take the laptop upstairs with me. I did a few minutes on the stair machine and ended up talking with my pal Justin on MSN. Finally decided to shower about 5:30 getting furious with the webinar. I washed my hair, shaved, really took my time.
As I started back down my stairs, in PJs and hair up in my turban, I considered I may be holding too much -my straightner, the laptop folded shut under one arm, my cell phone. I started down the steps no big deal, now remember there is no light on the stairs - just the upstairs hallway light and then the downstairs entry way light and no handrail. As I reached the middle landing where it turns to hard wood floors versus the carpeted upstairs and turns to come down into the entry way, I looked down. I swear it looked like there were no more carpeted stairs, just the wood landing. So I stepped down, TOTALLY SKIPPING THE LAST 3 CARPETED STAIRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!! I did my best to keep my balance but just went down hard on the landing, ironicaly throwing the laptop on top of my left leg that I flung forward to catch it. I've fallen before but this time I heard 5 snaps as I was going down. OH SHIT! I quickly spun onto my butt and pulled my left leg that was killing me down and tried to move the ankle and foot. It was HORRIFIC! But I did it. Figured that must mean it's not broken as my toes moved fine too. However, I could not get up on it. I quickly called my parents and got their voice mail. Then called my sister and got her voice mail. Shit, fuck, right when I need help the most ever. I still had 12 more stairs to get down. I almost called 911 but without insurance I dreaded the $600 bill Grandma just got for her ambulance ride.
Luckily I was able to reach Tim who was just getting in from work. I asked him how to tell if it's broken - me with all my classes but Tim with all his knowledge. He wasn't sure and stayed on the phone with me as I tried to crawl down each step on my own. He said he could tell I was in severe pain as usually I try to act like I'm fine. At this point I was thinking a bad sprain. It took me 20 minutes to get down to the last step before the entry way. We hung up at that point, him worried and my sister called. I asked her to come help me but she said she didn't want to get out back on the ice in town. I wanted to scream! My niece was making jokes about the whole "Help I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercials and I was in no mood to hear it. It took me another 10 minutes on the phone with my sister to drag myself from the entry way to the couch. As soon as I got on the couch my sister said I should've gotten frozen veggies and excedrin out of my kitchen - um hell no! I hadn't even ate. She told me to call her back in an hour if it hadn't gotten better but mentioned the ice again.
Finally found a way to reach work and tell them I couldn't make it in in the morning - there was just no way I'd be able to. I talked to my parents finally and was so furious I hung up on them. It was like how dare I do this now of all times! Um, I didn't plan it! They didn't want to come back down into town to help. Dad even threw out that my sister isn't about to help me because she's upset I didn't help paint their new house 5 years ago when I first moved here (which was because my brother-in-law was going to call me if they decided to and never did). That really pissed me off. I was in tears in pain. You should've seen my ankle. I had it up and was icing it after a few minutes or hopping on one foot to get frozen spinach and brocolli. I warmed up a TV dinner and hopped with it back to the couch. I took 3 Excedrin Back & Body at 7pm and again at 11pm - the dose recommended is 2 at a time. And it bearly touched the pain. I started trying to put a tinsy bit of pressure on it as I tried to get the Christmas lights off. Even Tim emailed back and said sorry I fell and hoped I would heal fast. I got my hair dried an then literally hauled myself up backwards with just my upper body up my stairs for bed. I got up and was hopping to the bathroom, tripped on the rug around the toilet and threw of course my left leg out by habit to catch me. I landed on that foot again and this time the pain was so unbearable I turned around and threw up in the toilet 4 times! I've never had pain in my life so bad! I literally crawled into bed and slept the night through. Even Bernie called to let me know about Paul's service date and was appalled at my family - saying how selfish they sounded. She would've come and got me too but she had a few drinks in her as it was her bday. She did offer to come the next afternoon if I needed her.
I got up the next morning and instantly called my mom asking for an ace bandage and ice packs. I drug myself to the bathroom and could hardly budge. Hope called me to talk about work and see if I'd need another week off. She wanted to work with me and was very worried. Mom and I talked more - they were going to the hospital to visit Grandma as it was and mom asked me to call the ER to see what I could do - thank god for the Colorado Indigent Care Program! I haven't paid a cent yet and I may have to pay like $100 at most - and you'll see how great that is soon. I got dressed and make up on and then had to haul myself down the stairs as they were coming to get me to take me to the ER. At this point I didn't see much bruising, but just tons and tons of swelling. As I sit on my butt ready to start coming down the stairs my sister calls, can't believe what Dad told me and wants to know why I didn't call her back. I told her because I managed for the night and didn't want her to have to get out on the ice again as she said. She decided she was going to the ER too and I got down the stairs to the last landing before the final two steps. I was trying to zip up my black pants and lost my balance and staggered on to that foot again and it was just ZING! ZING! pain up my whole leg into my back and arms. I fell onto my back on the hardwood floors and was crying and screaming so hard. I had my terry cloth robe on at least and threw that down, sat down on it and dragged myself from the front of this house to the back room to unlock the door for my mom and aunt coming to get me. I bearly got back into my office chair afterward, crying and crying. Mom and my aunt got here with food for me too. My sister pulled up. We bearly got me into the car to start to the ER, my aunt riding with my sister and me with mom. My aunt really pissed me off as she wouldn't budge to help mom get me to the car, down the last 3 steps from the back room out the back door even. Had X-Rays taken which once my slipper was off again revealed how truly bruised I was - it was awful.
The ER doctor came in shaking his head and even said "Wow, you did a real number on it." Apparently I broke both my left ankle bones, and broke them even in such a way that I pulled the bones away from the joints even in the ankle knuckles. My big toe even had a big chip fracture on it. He was putting me in a splint and brace - the ankle was way too swollen to even put a cast on. He gave me a copy of my x-rays on CD and told me I was required to see an orthopedic surgeon and would need surgery for the ankle bones. Got pain meds and crutches and headed to my house to get things and then I would be staying at my parents'. Of course, my aunt threw a huge tantrum about this and that it is ridiculous I have to stay with them. Fuck her was all I was thinking. All the medical professionals were shocked I waited 16 hours to get in to them and even to stand that pain.
At the orthopedic surgeon visit in Pueblo Monday, I learned yes I would need surgery. The foot was still way too swollen for a cast and he got after me that I need to be elevating a lot more. My mom left for a minute and he asked if I'd really been not moving at all since Friday. I told him I tried but my aunt kept her attitude of "You need to get used to the crutches," and not helping me so I hadn't been elevating as much as I should maybe. It was true. Even going into the appointment, Mom went to park the car and my aunt just stood there as I lost my balance on the crutches and went back down onto that foot again. Then she wouldn't get me a wheelchair when I asked as we had stairs and all to go up. Mom finally had to go back down and get one once we were in the doctor's waiting room. Every time I even so much as cringed as I tried to get up and manuever the crutches my aunt would roll her eyes like how dare I make such a scene. She was upset Mom wanted to help me. Even about getting dinner she'd tell me I could get up and get it myself. Mom cooking me eggs and getting me water pissed her off. Yet she had the nerve to come to me and ask me to help her get her arm out of her coat as her shoulder is hurting so bad after she retched it ATVing in August. I just went "Well, let's see. You're going to have to get used to this," but I still helped her. The doctor scheduled my surgery for that coming Thursday and gave me more pain pills. My orders were strictly to keep it elevated or else we couldn't do the surgery Thursday even if the swelling wasn't down. Had to head back to Pueblo though for pre-op on Wednesday. As we head back to the car my new prescription starts to blow crazily out of my hand and out into traffic so I yell to my aunt who is climbing into my car that we need to get it as it's about to blow away. She turns around and screams at me that I'm hysterical and paranoid and delusional!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I snapped back, having enough by this point. She starts a tirade of how dare I and she wants to just go home, refuses to buy lunch for me because I don't deserve it not having any respect. So I simply tell her back to shut up - I don't need her buying me lunch and never even asked. We get home to my parents and she decides to pout in her room. So I'm alone watching what I want in the living room. Half way through an episode of a show, she comes out and looks at her watch and goes "We are not watching this!" and grabs the remote from me to flip it to Dr. Phil - an episode she's recording!
All during this, Heather is still remaining that she is going to come out still January 8, even after I suggest that it might be best to reschedule as I will be having surgery and won't be able to drive to Denver (3 hours mind you one way) to get her. So this is starting to piss me off. When she scheduled to come out she didn't even consult me then if it was ok or what dates - just said I'm coming out and here's my flight, now pick me up at the airport. The only good thing about now if she comes is I will be off work and able to spend more time with her. So I'm stressing and my mom and aunt are upset too that she's coming - refusing to drive me up there to get her. Now here is Tim the miracle worker. He can't believe how bad my injury is and sounds horrified in his texts and emails with me. He keeps checking in nonstop to see how I'm doing, what I need. Telling me all the details of the Nuggets' games I'm missing - as there's one TV at my parents' and god forbid we ask my aunt to watch sports. I did know that that girl from Mexico he was talking to on a Christian Dating site is due out just before Christmas - he told me that the night I fell. She was just coming out to meet him finally. I told him that the family felt Heather should reschedule her trip and he agreed. I told him that she wasn't doing it and he asked when her flight was. He wrote back that he will pick her up once he's off work and drive her down here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in awe! I told him he doesn't have to do that and he said he knows but he wants to. I wrote back "You would really do that?" and he goes "For you, sure. I'd do anything for you." I melted. I'm so not used to anyone being that way with me. We talked a little more and he even said he knows me that I hate being stuck like this without being on my own or taking care of myself and that I need some protein to have strong bones - that's our joke about us being intimate. I had to smile at that and sort of was surprised because I thought we weren't doing that anymore, not even the jokes but he was slowly and slowly initiating them again. Ironically I did tell him back I do need protein. I joked he better not try anything with Heather as he mentioned having her crash at his place and heading down the next morning - he said no promises and laughed.
Tuesday he emailed me again after I filled Heather in on the status of things. He wrote in there that he knows I will be fine with the surgery as I shared I was scared to death. He told me I'm a very tough cookie when I need to be. That meant so much to me and really helped me the day of the surgery. I told Tim that Heather was acting leery and he said that she can either accept what we offered or sit in the airport or take the bus down then. He kept telling me I don't owe him as he offered a plan for me that I needed and it was the least he could do. I of course missed Paul's service too as I couldn't go anywhere and felt horrible, like I was letting my best friend down. My sister did go and tell Monica what was up and she said she'd gotten my voice mail too and understood. I did tell Tim I was a little uneasy about him and Heather and he wrote back "You have nothing to worry about there, trust me, Michelle." We went on texting a bit and joked about what he better not tell her - he swore he will not talk about me and Rene at all as that is not his business and we did joke he might tell her how bad I need protein from him or how I sound when I moan... lol.
Wednesday as I was in pre-op with my dad and brother-in-law taking me that day, Heather texted that she couldn't change her flight time to a later time (aka closer to when Tim could get her). I told her oh well she'd just have to wait for him then there and she wrote back "Great, I just love sitting in airports for 7 hours with nothing to do." Well, in the pain I'm in and the stress of surgery and all I got mad and wrote back telling her oh well,I already gave her suggestions and I didn't care anymore. I shot Tim a text saying it. Grandma came home from the hospital that day too - she didn't recognize the house, my mom or aunt. As she spent more time home though she started to recognize things. But we suspect her vision and hearing on her left side are affected. She just stops at times and drifts off looking off like she's not looking at anything and won't answer - sleeps so much - definitely not as good as she was before the stroke - not at all Grandma except for spurts. Just after dinner I got an email from Tim though - he'd spent 45 minutes on the computer once home looking for ways for Heather to pass the 7 hours of time waiting on him and other options on what she could do to get down here. It blew me away - why is he going to such lengths?????? It just is blowing me away - I don't get it!
Thursday morning I got myself ready and went to the hospital with my sister and mom in Pueblo. They took me back to get ready at 1pm and I was already in surgery by 2:30. I was scared to death - I don't know why - maybe because I wasn't in control. Once they wheeled me away to the waiting/holding area before surgery, away from sister and mom, I found myself forcing myself to meditate and focus on an object and breathe deeply. I kept repeating what Tim had said about me being a tough cookie when I need to be over and over. It helped calm me. I finally came out of anethesia in the recovery room about 5:45. They wheeled me to my room and I finally got to eat at like 7:30 - 24 hours with no food. The surgeon was happy because as they put the rod and 7 pins in my left side of the ankle, the right side went right back into place on its own like magic. He pulled on it and tugged and it didn't budge so we avoided having to do the rod and pins on that side - so I had half the stuff done only. The nurses and staff were shocked at how well I was doing for someone who just had surgery. Even the physical therapist in the morning said she couldn't believe how strong I am. My follow up visit is for December 29, where stitches are checked on and maybe even removed, and a real cast finally put on. I'm still in just splints. So this Thursday, Christmas Eve, will be 2 weeks from the day that I fell. Friday on my way home, Tim texted me to say how happy he was I was through surgery and fine. We emailed and joked some more. He was making a quick trip down to town on Saturday but going back the same day. After having thought I'd be going home for Friday night, my sister suggested I stay at my parents' again as I'd have to be up there at 2pm on Saturday for my sister's birthday. I got told I'm required to elevate as much as possible again before the follow up visit - strong possibility it may swell a lot now. I'm actually in a lot less pain now then I was before the surgery which has Dad stunned - but has me laughing - probably because it's back in place.
And yes this is probably very vain of me - I've always prided myself on the fact I have very small boned, petite, feminine ankles and feet and not even a mark on them. Well, now I am going to have a scar on the left foot the length of the rod. Oh, how I pray it is not that bad.
Tim and I emailed back and forth again. Saturday was the gathering for my sister's birthday and then headed home. My niece stayed over with me. I am hating not being able to do all I want to do. I can't even drive. The doctor said that as of the 29th I'll have a real cast and usually he puts people in walking casts at that point but because of how bad I broke it he wants me to continue the crutches and it will probably be another month. I'm not even allowed upstairs here as there's no hand rail. I feel like the house is so messy because all I need is down here by the couch. It's a bitch to fix myself anything to eat or drink. I don't like being cooped up or an invalid or a burden. I loathe being dependent on others! Saturday Tim and I were emailing. He'd been down and seen his mom but didn't get a chance to see me. He was feeling sick and all too and we joked about the pictures of Heather I finally sent. I mean even when I asked him for one pic to show Heather for him so she knew who to look for at the airport he sent me 4 of him. He's been really there for me and supportive and like a God send right now with all this... I can't believe how he's going so out of his way for me! Just friends, right? But why would I expect him to come see me right now? I can't shower, how in the world do I wash my hair, I'm a crippled who can bearly take care of herself, and now I'm going to have a nasty scar on my foot. He has said he will call and visit with me. He's down here this weekend to get his sister for his mom and visit for the holiday.
Monica called me Friday as we drove home and we talked. She sounds better but still out of it. At least we were joking and having fun. I shared how awful I feel not being there for her and she made jokes but said she totally understands. She was more concerned with how I am and if I need help in any way. Grandma perked up for a bit at my sister's birthday thing and I guess a little after they picked up my uncle from the train depot last night too. Last night was my first night solo as Dani decided to go home when she saw how miserable I was to my stomach. The pain pills have constipated me so badly but I couldn't even pee last night. I wanted to throw up and was trying anything to make me have to go to the restroom - it was hurting so badly. Right as my niece left I finally had release and felt a bit better - not as much as I'd like but better. Now time to wrap Christmas gifts and we may be going up this evening to see my uncle.
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